Love to listen, listen to love

Steering by the Sacred: Part 2

Do you see others as a quarry or a landfill?

As I was reading this morning, I was struck by how often Jesus asked questions. The Son of God, the source of all wisdom and knowledge, regularly engaged others by asking questions, rather than making statements. He asked them of His disciples, His adversaries, and total strangers. He started conversations with questions. He started stories with questions. He even answered questions with questions.

That approach feels almost foreign today. In 2026, the goal of communication often seems to be speaking, not listening. We gravitate toward platforms that are built for broadcasting, not conversation. We make videos, post comments, write articles (ironic, I know). We want to be heard. We want to make our point. And whether online or face to face, we can begin treating people like landfills, places to dump our thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Jesus had a different approach. He treated people like a quarry. He used questions to draw out what was already inside them. His questions exposed thoughts, fears, motives, and longings they didn’t even realize were there. And once those hidden things were brought into the light, He met them with love and invited them toward something better.

What’s on your mind?

Luke Chapter 24 takes place during a very unique time in human history. About one week earlier, Jesus of Nazareth had entered Jerusalem with its citizens greeting Him with the pomp and circumstance of a king. By the end of the week, they crucified Him. On the third day, He rose again. In the days that followed, He appeared to many of His disciples. Two of them were traveling from Jerusalem to the town of Emmaus.

“That very day two of them were going to a village named Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and they were talking with each other about all these things that had happened. While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them. But their eyes were kept from recognizing him. And he said to them, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” And they stood still, looking sad.” Luke 24:13-17

If there was ever an opportunity for a Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba “It’s me!” entrance, this was it. But rather than immediately revealing His identity and proclaiming the good news of His resurrection to these grieving disciples, He enters the conversation humbly and with a question: “What are y’all talking about?”

Look at their reaction to His question. They stop walking. They stand still. Sadness overtakes their expressions.

The resurrected Jesus was not asking questions to fill out gaps in His knowledge. He used questions to open hearts. Not just to get answers, but to help them realize what was already inside them.

What is our motive when we enter conversations with our friends? Our coworkers or employees? Are we motivated primarily to share what’s on our mind, or to learn what’s on theirs? Is our goal to speak or to understand? Both are present in every healthy relationship, but our primary aim reveals whether we see others as landfills to be dumped on, or quarries to be mined.

Tell me more

This month, we celebrated my oldest daughter’s 13th birthday, so naturally I spent some time remembering the early years. As a young dad who loved good conversation, the pre-talking years were admittedly tough. One of my favorite responses during those babbling baby years was the phrase, “Tell me more.” I’m learning that the phrase seems to help open up turtling teenagers as well.

Whether we’re engaging with someone in the workplace or at home, one question often isn’t enough to really get below the surface. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we’ve all been trained to respond to the initial salvo of questions with canned answers, because we’ve learned that most people aren’t truly interested anyway. Follow up questions break through the shell, dig deeper, and communicate that our goal really is to hear, not just be heard. We see Jesus do the same.

“And he said to them, “What things?” And they said to him, “Concerning Jesus of Nazareth…” Luke 24:19

They go on, explaining all that had taken place in the months and days prior. Still unaware that they are talking to Jesus, they explain how Jesus was a mighty prophet, and how the One they had hoped would save Israel had now died. But now some women were claiming that He was alive.

Jesus knew all these things, but He invited them to tell their story. In doing so, He gave them the dignity of speaking first. He was helping them process. And by allowing them to speak, He gave them the opportunity to discover for themselves what was happening inside: they had hoped, but that hope was waning.

Follow up questions help others own where they’re at. I can’t tell you the number of times a follow up question has led someone to respond, “I didn’t even know I thought that!” Internal processing isn’t the only way we were meant to process life. We were made for relationship, and approaching others with genuine curiosity is one of the most effective ways to care for the people around us.

Have you considered?

In every healthy conversation, there is give and take. Lopsided conversations lead to lopsided relationships. Knowing and being known are meant to go together. I’m well aware of the temptation to ask questions as a way to stay on the offensive, because it minimizes the chance that I might need to reveal something about myself. Only listening is as unhealthy as only speaking.

Jesus lets others speak first, and then He enters in:

“And he said to them, ‘O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?’ And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.” Luke 24:25-27

For someone who seems so committed to drawing others out, His opening response really catches us off guard. Throughout the Gospels, we see moments like this where Jesus says something that initially strikes us as harsh. And while we may not totally understand how, time and time again these statements don’t cause others to shut down or get offended. Instead, they bear fruit, showing that they were the most loving thing Jesus could have said.

Notice, though, that in His response He shows how intently He was listening. He brings clarity to what they have already said. In verse 21, they admitted, “But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel.” In His response, Jesus is essentially saying, “I heard you.” Starting where they are, He now engages them to bring greater perspective to their situation.

He asks a rhetorical question: “Was it not necessary…?” When those we love fall into error, rhetorical questions can be an excellent way to give them ownership in the better way. He gives them the opportunity to think, “Actually, yes, it was necessary.” Rather than saying, “Think this,” He asks, “Have you considered this?”

Finally, as we so often do for those under our care, Jesus brings the bigger perspective. Silence isn’t love, not when we have something to offer those we’re in relationship with. His goal isn’t just to make these disciples feel valued through being known, but to offer them hope and a better future.

Questions are a means, not the end

In a world that trains us to speak more than we listen, Jesus shows us a better way. He doesn’t treat people like landfills to dump on, but like quarries to be mined. In Luke 24, the resurrected Christ walks with two grieving disciples and meets them not with statements, but with questions to draw them out. Yet He also shows that questions are a means, not the end. After listening carefully, He encourages them where they are at by reminding them of the bigger hope-filled picture.

Jesus doesn’t treat people like landfills to dump on, but like quarries to be mined.

How do we engage with our families? Our coworkers? Our friends and neighbors? Is our main objective to get our thoughts on the table? Or do we show up with ears that are eager to hear? Perhaps we can all learn a lesson from Jesus and begin our next conversation with a question.