Do you see others as a quarry or a landfill?

As I was reading this morning, I was struck by how often Jesus asked questions. The Son of God, the source of all wisdom and knowledge, regularly engaged others by asking questions, rather than making statements. He asked them of His disciples, His adversaries, and total strangers. He started conversations with questions. He started stories with questions. He even answered questions with questions.

That approach feels almost foreign today. In 2026, the goal of communication often seems to be speaking, not listening. We gravitate toward platforms that are built for broadcasting, not conversation. We make videos, post comments, write articles (ironic, I know). We want to be heard. We want to make our point. And whether online or face to face, we can begin treating people like landfills, places to dump our thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Jesus had a different approach. He treated people like a quarry. He used questions to draw out what was already inside them. His questions exposed thoughts, fears, motives, and longings they didn’t even realize were there. And once those hidden things were brought into the light, He met them with love and invited them toward something better.

What’s on your mind?

Luke Chapter 24 takes place during a very unique time in human history. About one week earlier, Jesus of Nazareth had entered Jerusalem with its citizens greeting Him with the pomp and circumstance of a king. By the end of the week, they crucified Him. On the third day, He rose again. In the days that followed, He appeared to many of His disciples. Two of them were traveling from Jerusalem to the town of Emmaus.

“That very day two of them were going to a village named Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and they were talking with each other about all these things that had happened. While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them. But their eyes were kept from recognizing him. And he said to them, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” And they stood still, looking sad.” Luke 24:13-17

If there was ever an opportunity for a Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba “It’s me!” entrance, this was it. But rather than immediately revealing His identity and proclaiming the good news of His resurrection to these grieving disciples, He enters the conversation humbly and with a question: “What are y’all talking about?”

Look at their reaction to His question. They stop walking. They stand still. Sadness overtakes their expressions.

The resurrected Jesus was not asking questions to fill out gaps in His knowledge. He used questions to open hearts. Not just to get answers, but to help them realize what was already inside them.

What is our motive when we enter conversations with our friends? Our coworkers or employees? Are we motivated primarily to share what’s on our mind, or to learn what’s on theirs? Is our goal to speak or to understand? Both are present in every healthy relationship, but our primary aim reveals whether we see others as landfills to be dumped on, or quarries to be mined.

Tell me more

This month, we celebrated my oldest daughter’s 13th birthday, so naturally I spent some time remembering the early years. As a young dad who loved good conversation, the pre-talking years were admittedly tough. One of my favorite responses during those babbling baby years was the phrase, “Tell me more.” I’m learning that the phrase seems to help open up turtling teenagers as well.

Whether we’re engaging with someone in the workplace or at home, one question often isn’t enough to really get below the surface. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we’ve all been trained to respond to the initial salvo of questions with canned answers, because we’ve learned that most people aren’t truly interested anyway. Follow up questions break through the shell, dig deeper, and communicate that our goal really is to hear, not just be heard. We see Jesus do the same.

“And he said to them, “What things?” And they said to him, “Concerning Jesus of Nazareth…” Luke 24:19

They go on, explaining all that had taken place in the months and days prior. Still unaware that they are talking to Jesus, they explain how Jesus was a mighty prophet, and how the One they had hoped would save Israel had now died. But now some women were claiming that He was alive.

Jesus knew all these things, but He invited them to tell their story. In doing so, He gave them the dignity of speaking first. He was helping them process. And by allowing them to speak, He gave them the opportunity to discover for themselves what was happening inside: they had hoped, but that hope was waning.

Follow up questions help others own where they’re at. I can’t tell you the number of times a follow up question has led someone to respond, “I didn’t even know I thought that!” Internal processing isn’t the only way we were meant to process life. We were made for relationship, and approaching others with genuine curiosity is one of the most effective ways to care for the people around us.

Have you considered?

In every healthy conversation, there is give and take. Lopsided conversations lead to lopsided relationships. Knowing and being known are meant to go together. I’m well aware of the temptation to ask questions as a way to stay on the offensive, because it minimizes the chance that I might need to reveal something about myself. Only listening is as unhealthy as only speaking.

Jesus lets others speak first, and then He enters in:

“And he said to them, ‘O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?’ And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.” Luke 24:25-27

For someone who seems so committed to drawing others out, His opening response really catches us off guard. Throughout the Gospels, we see moments like this where Jesus says something that initially strikes us as harsh. And while we may not totally understand how, time and time again these statements don’t cause others to shut down or get offended. Instead, they bear fruit, showing that they were the most loving thing Jesus could have said.

Notice, though, that in His response He shows how intently He was listening. He brings clarity to what they have already said. In verse 21, they admitted, “But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel.” In His response, Jesus is essentially saying, “I heard you.” Starting where they are, He now engages them to bring greater perspective to their situation.

He asks a rhetorical question: “Was it not necessary…?” When those we love fall into error, rhetorical questions can be an excellent way to give them ownership in the better way. He gives them the opportunity to think, “Actually, yes, it was necessary.” Rather than saying, “Think this,” He asks, “Have you considered this?”

Finally, as we so often do for those under our care, Jesus brings the bigger perspective. Silence isn’t love, not when we have something to offer those we’re in relationship with. His goal isn’t just to make these disciples feel valued through being known, but to offer them hope and a better future.

Questions are a means, not the end

In a world that trains us to speak more than we listen, Jesus shows us a better way. He doesn’t treat people like landfills to dump on, but like quarries to be mined. In Luke 24, the resurrected Christ walks with two grieving disciples and meets them not with statements, but with questions to draw them out. Yet He also shows that questions are a means, not the end. After listening carefully, He encourages them where they are at by reminding them of the bigger hope-filled picture.

How do we engage with our families? Our coworkers? Our friends and neighbors? Is our main objective to get our thoughts on the table? Or do we show up with ears that are eager to hear? Perhaps we can all learn a lesson from Jesus and begin our next conversation with a question.

Yet long before modern medicine began exploring its physiological benefits, people fasted. The earliest mention of fasting in the Bible comes from the end of the book of Judges during the pre-king era of ancient Israel. At this moment in Israel’s history, eleven of the tribes had gathered to make war against the city of Gibeah, because it had acted in great wickedness. Twice they battled Gibeah, and twice they were repelled. As doubt began to grip the army, we read this:

“Then all the people of Israel, the whole army, went up and came to Bethel and wept. They sat there before the Lord and fasted that day until evening, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord. And the people of Israel inquired of the Lord (that is, they prayed)...” Judges 20:26

After the people fasted and prayed? Victory.

But this story leaves us with more questions than answers. Is fasting still relevant or is it a relic of the past? Is the point of fasting to supercharge our prayers? Is it a way of earning an answer from God?

The Disciples Who Didn’t Fast

Fast forward roughly a thousand years. Many of Israel’s religious leaders fasted regularly as a spiritual discipline, often twice a week. Yet one group of disciples following a particular Rabbi stood out, not because of how often they fasted, but because they did not fast at all.

“Then the disciples of John came to him, saying, ‘Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.’” Matthew 9:14-15

Here we see the disciples of John (the Baptist) coming to Jesus with a question, because unlike all of the other religious leaders of the day, the disciples of Jesus were living differently. They didn’t fast. And the disciples of John wanted to know why.

Feasting and Fasting

There are better and worse ways to explain complex topics. For example, you could try explaining centripetal force to a child by discussing Newton’s first law, orbits, and inertia. Or you could explain it by saying: “It’s what you feel when you ride the spinny thing on the playground.” Most children will immediately understand. Most of us as well.

As Jesus so often did, He answered this sincere spiritual question not with lofty theology or condescending correction, but with a story. The story of a wedding.

In this story, there is a man called the bridegroom. The betrothal has already happened, but the wedding is in the future. Jesus doesn’t share when it will take place, only that it’s yet to come. But in the present, the groom is hanging out with His guests. It’s a time for rejoicing and feasting.

Jesus begins responding to their question by asking: “Do the guests mourn while the bridegroom is with them?” Mourning, in the Biblical sense, describes unmet desires. Unfulfilled expectations. Longing for something that is promised but not yet fulfilled. These disciples came asking about what to do. Jesus is helping them understand the better question isn’t what, but when. When the bridegroom is present, it is a time to feast. When the bridegroom is absent, it is a time to fast.

Save the Date

This simple illustration describes a cosmic reality. Jesus calls Himself the groom. His people are His bride. While walking the earth, He accomplished all that was necessary for the future wedding to take place, so that His people might be united to Him for eternity. But that time has not yet come.

The incarnation of the Son of God was a brief moment in human history. It was a short period when “the bridegroom was with them,” so rather than fasting, His followers feasted in his presence. This points us to a truth about fasting: Fasting is not a prayer formula. It’s a reflection of our personal fellowship with God. When the bridegroom is away, fasting is the heart posture of a soul longing for a better time. The fulfillment of a promise. The promised wedding day when the bride and groom will be united as one. Until that day arrives, fasting is a living embodiment of that future hope.

Concluding Thoughts

There is much more to say, but here Jesus clarifies the posture of fasting. Fasting isn’t about what we want, it’s about who we already have. The groom has come and is coming again. Until that day, fasting is more than a health hack. It reminds our souls that what we have received already has not yet been experienced in full.

In the field of academia, he helped found the University of Pennsylvania. In the field of science, he discovered that lightning is electricity, invented bifocals, and mapped the Gulf Stream. In the field of politics, he helped draft the Declaration of Independence, the Treaty of Paris, and the U.S. Constitution. As Postmaster General, he even did the unthinkable: he made the Post Office profitable!

Accomplishments Don’t Happen by Accident

One might look at a life like Benjamin Franklin’s and assume he was simply born with unattainable, superhuman abilities—that some people are just put on this planet with gifts, talents, and opportunities that make them larger than life. While every person is created uniquely, the real story of Ben Franklin shouldn’t be reduced to just being the right person in the right place at the right time. Those who look more closely discover that what he accomplished in public was a product of who he strove to become while in private.

For example, at age 20, Ben Franklin created a list of 13 virtues that he believed would lead to a virtuous life. Every week, he privately focused on one virtue, and he would cycle through his list four times per year. Here is his list:

1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloths, or habitation.

11. TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.

13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

In addition, he developed one of the first known habit trackers. I’ve recently discovered habit trackers myself. This Substack is a direct result of the accountability they provide. I’ve personally been using the Bullet Journal. The purpose of Franklin’s Habit Tracker was simply to chart his personal progress in keeping his thirteen virtues.

Franklin was also deeply intentional about living a life of purpose and meaning.. At the beginning of every day, he asked himself in his journal: “What good shall I do this day?” At the end of every day, he asked: “What good have I done this day?” He also would take time to schedule his day, making time for work, reading, study, reflection, and rest.

Four Ways to Cultivate Your Inner Life

What Franklin discovered as a rational deist, God the Creator had already revealed long ago, more deeply and with far greater purpose. Consider these words from Proverbs 4:23-27, given to Solomon by God around 3000 years ago:

23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Guard your heart. In the busyness and chaos of life, it is very easy to focus on results and outcomes. The regular demand placed on business leaders and parents can be overwhelming. Perhaps it should be no surprise that nearly 50% of American adults suffer from hypertension. Given the pace of life, many of our actions are actually reactions - and how we react is an overflow of our hearts. In fact, Solomon says ‘everything we do’ flows from the heart. The heart, as Solomon would have meant it, includes not only our emotions and desires, but our intellect, thoughts, and will. In other words, the entirety of our inner selves. Steering by the Sacred involves the diligent and continuous effort of filtering what enters the heart and training what comes out from it.

24 Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Guard your tongue. What we say might seem like an odd fit in a discussion on the inner life, but God’s Word reveals a direct correlation. It was Jesus who said, “For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45)—either for good or for evil. James, the half-brother of Jesus, went further, describing the tongue as a bit in the mouth of an animal, the rudder of a ship, and a fire capable of corrupting “the whole body” (cf. James 3:1–12). In other words, what we say reflects who we are, but also, who we are is formed by what we say. Being wise with our words at all times is an effective way to cultivate our inner life.

25 Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.

Fix your eyes. It’s hard to get anywhere in life if you don’t know where you’re going. Years ago, I was trying to meet up with a friend who was hiking on a local section of the Appalachian Trail. I hiked and hiked and hiked, but never found him. I never found him because he had passed the trailhead heading south, and I entered the trailhead and headed north.

That said, there are many who did know where they were going, only to arrive and find the destination less fulfilling than they anticipated. I’ve heard this from friends who had their eyes set on a particular title, net worth, home, or a particular experience. I’ve heard it from those had their sights set on marriage, or children, or retirement. As God exhorts us through Solomon to keep our eyes looking straight ahead, as we will see in a moment, the destination he had in mind was not tangible and temporary, but intangible and immortal.

26 Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.

Strive for intentionality. If you are still reading this article, why? Do you remember why you opened it in the first place? What was it that caused you to give up the last few minutes of your life, minutes which will never return to you, and spend them reading to this point. We do most of what we do without considering why, but God calls us to something higher. To be fair, giving equally careful thought to every word and every action would paralyze us. That isn’t what is meant here.

What God is calling us to is to consider whether the path we are on is still heading towards where we have committed to fix our eyes. In the example above, if I had known where my friend was on the trail, but constantly distracted and delayed by my surroundings, I still would not have found him. Once our eyes have been fixed on a worthy destination, God calls us to be unwavering, to seek after it with intentionality and steadfastness.

A Better Destination

27 Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

While much of what has been discussed above could be applied to lead a life of meaning and impact, God wants something more for us. As far as we know, Ben Franklin tracked his progress towards his personal list of virtues for his entire life, because he never arrived at a point of perfection. Regardless of your religion, whether you are a rational deist like Ben Franklin, or Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or something else - the inner perfection we desire remains out of reach for all. Solomon’s call to us is clear: “keep your foot from evil.” Clear, worthy, even glorious, but unattainable… apart from Jesus Christ.

Ben Franklin was likely in the top 0.001% of humanity in his pursuit of living a virtuous life, but still fell short. Not only did Jesus live a virtuous life, he lived a perfect one (1 Peter 2:22).

We can strive with all of our might to guard our heart and be careful with our speech, but because of sin in the heart, we will eventually find we are fighting an uphill battle (Jeremiah 17:9, Mark 7:20-23). Not only was Jesus sinless in his heart, His words were perfectly pure as well (1 Peter 2:22).

We can fix our eyes on good things, even great things, and go after them with intentionality over the course of years and decades, but still arrive at the end of our lives with the feeling that in spite of all of our good deeds and accomplishments, our lives are still but a fleeting mist (James 4:14).

There is another way.

Through faith in the God-man Jesus Christ, rather than striving and failing to cultivate our inner life on our own power, we can receive a transformed inner life through His power (Psalm 51:10, 2 Corinthians 5:17). It is out of this new life that He promises we can strive by the power of His Spirit (Phil 2:13). In Him, our destination can be transformed from Maybe Better-than-Average to Christlike (Phil 1:6). In this new reality we do continue to strive, not by seeking temporal achievements, public accolades, or behavior modification, and not by revisiting a checklist of virtues day after day after day, but by “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:2).

Through intentionally cultivating his inner life with his eyes fixed on living virtuously, Ben Franklin lived a life that may be remembered for the rest of human history. By intentionally cultivating an inner life with our eyes fixed on Jesus, we can live a life that will be remembered with joy for eternity.

On April 13, 1970, there was an explosion. Roughly 200,000 miles from home—about halfway to the moon—an oxygen tank blew on Apollo 13. That moment kicked off one of the most gripping space and engineering sagas of all time.

Among the many challenges facing Lovell, Haise, Swigert, and Mission Control was the issue of navigation. Back then, spaceflight computers needed frequent calibration to stay accurate. The crew handled this by using the Optical Alignment Sight (OAS) to line up with key stars. But after the explosion, a cloud of debris surrounded the spacecraft, making it impossible to tell a shard from a star.

As Lovell later recalled:

“With all the debris and frozen particles around the spacecraft, it looked like a snowstorm outside. Every time I tried to take a star sighting, I couldn’t tell the difference between a real star and a flake of ice.” - Jim Lovell

Another Explosion

As people made in God’s image, every person is instilled with an inner sense of how to keep life on the good course. It’s called by different names and shows up in different forms—conscience, morality, ethics, virtues, character, principles. Paul bears witness to this when he says, “…the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness” (Rom. 2:15). Wherever we find ourselves in life, it’s this inner life that guides our thoughts, informs our decision-making, and steers our actions.

But there’s a problem.

Within the human heart, sin has gone off like an explosion. Genesis 3 gives the account of how the crisis began. Ever since, it’s become impossible for men and women to properly calibrate their lives and stay on the good course. Sin has created a shroud of debris in the soul, making it impossible to truly distinguish shard from star, death from life, evil from good.

To make it safely home, the crew of Apollo 13 needed to find a different waypoint. They needed something reliable—something so much larger and brighter than the frozen particles of water and metal surrounding their ship that there could be no confusion. The reference they chose to calibrate their journey home was the terminator line: the line between reflected sunlight and darkness on the face of planet Earth.

Living by the Light

Jesus is not just a historical figure. He’s not just a good person or a role model. He’s not merely a miracle worker, teacher, or religious leader. He is the light of the world (John 8:12). He provides both the way to salvation for those who believe and ongoing guidance for the journey of those who already do.

For believers, there’s a real temptation: we recalibrate the eternal course of our lives by trusting Jesus for salvation, yet drift back to our own clouded internal guidance system for everyday living—at home, at work, in our communities. We tend to assume the light of Jesus is mostly for salvation and Sundays, while Monday through Saturday are meant to be navigated by intuition. But God offers us something better.

As the Psalmist declared, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105). And as Jesus clarified: “You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me” (John 5:39). Jesus, revealed in the Word of God, is the light for our path and provides all we need for life and godliness.

Sacred Markers

You may be responsible for steering a business. Or perhaps your family. Maybe even a church. Or, right now, the only thing you’re steering is your own life. Regardless of where the Lord has placed you, there are sacred markers revealed in the life of Jesus Christ that can guide our thoughts, words, actions, and decisions. I’ll be taking a deeper dive into these and others in the weeks ahead, but here are a few for you to consider as you walk with your family, invest in your workplace, and live in your community:

Joy. A steadfast affection of the soul, aroused by fixing our eyes on Jesus, which endures regardless of trial or tribulation.

Creativity. Using our God-given gifts to shape our God-given world.

Humility. Elevating God and others above self; a kind of self-forgetfulness.

Towardsness. Orienting our lives away from the self and toward God and others, living for their good.

Love. Being motivated by self-giving rather than self-receiving

“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13

The story of my life follows a well-worn path. I was born into a Christian home, where church on Sundays was a given. Both my parents worked, and my siblings and I applied ourselves to school and extracurriculars. After high school came college, then a vocation and marriage.

I suspect much of this might sound familiar, even if you need to change or rearrange the pieces a bit.

Once the main pieces are in place, next, you begin to learn the skill of wearing different hats. When you wake up, maybe you put on the health hat. During the day, the work or homemaking hat. In the evening, the spouse or parent hat. On Sundays, the Christian hat. About ten years into this journey, I added two additional hats: church elder and business owner.

Bigger Questions

While many of these roles felt good and right, I couldn’t help but ask myself: What is my life really about? Was there a common thread running through it all, or was I simply doing my best in the different spheres where the Lord had placed me? Was my purpose just to be a good coworker, a good business owner, a good family man, and a good Christian—or was there something deeper tying it all together?

A number of years ago, I came across this quote by Charles Spurgeon. It was so striking, particularly because I had rarely heard a message like this inside the walls of a church.

"To a man who lives unto God nothing is secular, everything is sacred. He puts on his workday garment and it is a vestment to him. He sits down to his meal and it is a sacrament. He goes forth to his labor, and therein exercises the office of the priesthood. His breath is incense and his life a sacrifice. He sleeps on the bosom of God, and lives and moves in the divine presence.

The Lord hath cleansed your houses, he has cleansed your bed chambers, your tables, your shops, he has made the bells upon your horses holiness to the Lord, he has made the common pots and pans of your kitchens to be as the bowls before the altar, if you know what you are and live according to your high calling.

You housemaids, you cooks, you nurses, you ploughmen, you housewives, you traders, you sailors, your labor is holy if you serve the Lord Christ in it, by living unto him as you ought to live. The sacred has absorbed the secular." - C. H. Spurgeon

This sounds different from what most of us have been taught. Too often, well-meaning pastors imply that we bring the most glory to God when we’re wearing our “church” hat—serving in ministry, going to church, sharing the gospel. In other words, pastor-like work is the only work considered truly sacred. But Spurgeon saw a deeper truth in God’s Word: purpose isn’t found by squeezing more sacred into our lives, but seeing all of life as sacred.

Bigger Promises

This shift in perspective opened up a worldview that no longer saw life as a collage of disjointed roles, but as a single tapestry woven together by a sacred purpose: bringing glory to God. If God intends every aspect of our lives to be sacred, then perhaps His Word shows us what that life is meant to look like, and His Spirit empowers us to live it out with boldness and strength.

For the past decade, the Lord has been leading me on a journey of discovering that a fully integrated life is not just available to us in Him — it was His original design from the beginning. The heart behind starting this Substack is to share what I am learning (and continue to learn) with anyone feeling the same tension or searching for the same answers.

The purposes and power of God are not reserved for super-Christians or those doing super-Christian things. They are available at all times, to everyone who follows Jesus. In Him, ordinary disciples can be empowered to do astonishing things — just as it was once said about two ordinary fishermen:

“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13